he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
