A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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