So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
