I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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