Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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