I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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