so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
