The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
