I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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