I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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