I looked at my own cervix.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
