I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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