I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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