he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
