If that was your dad, he is hot
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
