Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just high enough for therapy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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