So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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