The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am available for nakedness
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
