just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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