Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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