Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
