He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She even gives head with a lisp.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
