That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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