and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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