TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
