Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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