ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize
