so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
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he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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