i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
