Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
