Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
