Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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