I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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