I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
