:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
