Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
