So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
