At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
