Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
