bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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