How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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