I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
