Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
