Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
