He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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