My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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