he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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