Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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