i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
