he was CRYING into my vagina
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
