I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wish my penis had a tongue
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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