he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
