There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
