your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
