Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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