she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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