can u get pink eye on your cock?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
