Having a random hookup so left but love u
I accidentally had phone sex last night
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
