Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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