My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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