you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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