I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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