I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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