I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
