I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
