You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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