i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
