your parents love me but you hate me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
