Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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