You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
