dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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