maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
