His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
