No stitches, just platelets and will power
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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