I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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