I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.