hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.