Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing