so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years