If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass