if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!