nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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