she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.