Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I believe in your delicious